So, back in December I posted about kicking my rear back into gear and losing about 25% of my weight before the five year Biggest Loser check up with Dr. Huizenga last weekend.  I started off strong, lost about 12% of my starting weight and then hit retreat and conference season (three retreats/trips and a conference in the space of about eight weeks), which really threw me off.  I regained a bunch of what I lost (ARGH), and then really kicked it back into gear in April with counting calories and exercise, ending up with about a 10% loss when I saw Dr. H last weekend.  Not where I wanted to be, but headed in the right direction.

I’m really glad I went (and thankful to Heather for making me go!). I had a great conversation with Dr. H at his office; he wanted to know what happened – he was intrigued that I had stayed on track for several years, led weight loss groups, done a lot of writing, etc., and then nose dived so to speak.  He told me what he’s told every other former contestant that has put weight back on – get back on the horse.

So I’m continuing with the plan.  Counting calories (around 2000 a day), and exercising.  Before going to CA last weekend I was trying to do two workouts a day like I did five years ago, which really is a schedule killer.  Dr. H told me to switch to one 90 minute workout, which really does make a huge difference.

The real benefit in the trip was coming clean and seeing everyone else.  It was really empowering to get together with a hundred other former contestants and see that I’m not the only one struggling still – I’m not even in a minority.  Part of my failure cycle is the fear of judgement, of being the only one, etc., which meant I hadn’t put a current photo of myself on the blog or Facebook in a couple years.  I definitely came back from LA encouraged and optimistic; I know I can lose weight, but now I feel a different level of support and empowerment in coming clean with Dr. H and the others and not feeling kicked out of the club.  And I have a different perspective on hiding my weight struggles – I think I did more harm than good by trying to convey the message that I had conquered all my body image demons and emotional eating addictions.  It’s a lifelong battle, but the difference between me now and my pre-Biggest Loser self is that back then I thought there was no hope, and now I know I have the tools to get back on the horse and get to where I need to be.