This month makes it official … I’ve been a youth pastor for 25 years. Literally half my life. Which is kind of weird to type.
The first time I ‘did’ youth ministry I was actually twelve. My youth pastor at the time let me teach the younger kids. All through high school, Bible school, and college I knew I was wired to work with teens and regularly volunteered in different ways. But Heather and I went all in back in April, 2001, at Grace Baptist Church in Milford, Connecticut. We were still newlyweds, married for almost six months at that point. Heather was also three months pregnant with our first of four sons, Micah. The youth group there nicknamed him ‘Cletus the Fetus’ during the pregnancy.
Twenty-five year old me thought he knew it all. I learned some hard lessons. In hindsight, I was exactly the type of communicator that drives me crazy as a parent of teens today … by that I mean I didn’t communicate with parents well. We loved being with that group of kids and it’s been fun watching them grow up and have their own kids through social media over the years. We wanted to be there long term … but it only ended up being two years. The teens were amazing but the relationship between the senior pastor and I … not so much. I learned some hard lessons about unrealistic expectations.
The next five and a half years were at Boothbay Baptist Church in Boothbay, Maine. Caleb and Noah were born during those years. Zach was born three weeks before we moved to Delaware, so he really came in under the wire. Those were some really special years of youth ministry. I’ll always treasure the memories with the young people we knew there.
We arrived at Brandywine Valley Church in August, 2008. A lot has changed over the years and a lot is still the same. We still love youth ministry. People don’t ask me when I’m going to become ‘a real pastor’ anymore; either they finally think I am … or they’ve realized this is what I’m actually called to. Three of our sons have graduated from the youth group and we only have a year left with Zach before I’m a youth pastor without kids in the group again. Then again, Noah is a youth leader now, so maybe that counts?
I don’t have the energy I used to have. My back acts weird sometimes from blobbing far too many kids. My hairline lacks the glory it once had. I take more of a fatherly or mentor role with kids than trying to be their cool friend. I share a lot more of the spotlight moments in ministry with volunteers and students these days. There are a lot of things I don’t get worked up about anymore … twenty-five years of seeing kids turn into God-loving adults in spite of poor adolescent choices has changed my perspective on what’s important. I don’t want anyone to think that their (inevitable) mistakes mean they’ve burn bridges with God or us.
I’ve always said my philosophy of ministry was to graduate fully equipped followers of Christ. In recent years I’ve realized it’s something more subtle; one of my driving passions in ministry has become keeping the doors open to conversation and relationship no matter the choices people make. Ministry is a marathon that doesn’t end until we’re with Jesus so balancing life, relationships, ministry is so critical. Having that long distance perspective makes how we react in the moment to people so critical; the decisions they may make today do not dictate who they will always be and I would far rather still have a voice in someone’s life than draw a hard line that closes the door.
Heather and I are still in it for the long haul. This summer will mark eighteen years at Brandywine Valley Church and I feel the call to youth ministry here as strong as I ever have. It’s exciting to see what God is doing in our church and in our student ministry and we can’t wait to see what’s next. I think the coming years will increasingly look more like me helping, equipping, and coaching others to be effective in youth ministry while I serve families, teens, and youth leaders in our church.
Twenty-five years. Wild! Am I really that old?
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